Sal’s Gaseous Ass Gas, pt. 9

Enjoy Fellas. Would really appreciate a reblog if you could. 

Remember the scene in Nutty Professor when Eddie Murphy grows gigantic and rips a fart so loud that blows up the entire city after a homeless man lights a match? The fart Sal unleashed in this guy’s face not only sounded exactly like that, but was genuinely almost as powerful. I never saw Sal strain to fart before. His face was beat red, but you could still see his hot tan skin and stubbly beard. Because he was forcefully holding this guy’s face against his own big ass, his arms were bulging out of his long sleeve flannel shirt. Sal was flexing and holding the guys head against his ass as hard as he could because the fart was that powerful. You guys aren’t going to believe me but I’m not kidding. This guy’s hair and cheeks were flapping against the force of Sal’s fart. And his face was pressed right into Sal’s bubble ass. Sal was hunched over sticking his ass out, giving me a great view of his thick meaty tree trunk legs and gigantic globe ass. Holy shit he had a giant ass. Sal’s ass had to be 6-7X bigger than this guy’s head. It could swallow him up. I was envious of the guy, despite him being blasted by Sal’s ripper.

BRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTT 

The fart went on for almost 10 seconds before dying down into a squeaky faint whoosh. Sal slowly lifted his hand off of the back of the guy’s head who at this point had passed on, as he slid on the floor, and lay on the floor face first on the bathroom, out cold.

Sal had a triumphant look on his face and glanced over at me. I didn’t know how to respond. I was frightened, genuinely at the point, at what Sal could do to me. For the first time I was actually scared.

A reassuring smile came across Sal’s face, despite him panting and breathing heavy. “Let‘s let Mike take a nap huh? I’m starving.” Sal then walked out the bathroom door. I went and checked to make sure Mike was still breathing. He was but he was out cold.

I followed Sal over to a table where his cop friends were sitting. Sal introduced me to his friends, Nick was a tall goofy looking pale skinned Irish guy with a big nose and black hair, he was relatively muscular for someone as tall as him, Joey was an average height pretty boy, cleanly shaven and dressed fashionably, he was tight and toned and had dark brown hair, Zach was an average height black guy, very muscular and very handsome, with a bald head and light facial hair, then Alicia was a black female cop who apparently was cool getting wings and drinkin beers with the guys, and of course an empty seat for mike.

“I told you that was one of Sal’s monster farts! You owe me $5 Joey. Haha Joey thought it was a helicopter flying over head.” Alicia said to the group as Joey reached in his wallet and paid Alicia $5. I guess the fart was loud enough to sound like a helicopter.

“Sal you said you weren’t gonna pick on Mikey anymore. What’s up? Poor guy’s probably passed out on the floor isn’t he?” Joey said to Sal.

“He was competing with me! And he’s getting good. Obviously not on my level. But he was being cocky so I had to show him up. You know me.” Sal responded.

“I’m catching up with you too Sal. BURRRRRPPPPPPP” Zach had just belched right in Sal’s face. And talk about a belch, it was gigantic. Louder than anyone I’d ever heard before, besides Sal.

Alicia shook her head “here we go…” turning her head away from Sal, who I noticed was breathing in very slowly but very subtly.

“I’m not going to stoop down to Zach’s level of immaturit-AAARRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP” This was by far the loudest belch I’d ever heard Sal rip, and it was 5X louder than Zach’s. Like Sal’s fart against Mikey, this belch almost knocked Zach over. It was a loud open mouth belch too. The whole bar got quiet, minus the TVs as sell ripped this belch. The whole bar, close to 50 people heard it. Then after 8 seconds and the burp ended, all began to cheer as the bar tender rang a bell.

“And that was pre beer guys” Alicia was laughing, fanning the air in front of her.

The waiter came around to take our orders. I got a cheeseburger, French fries, a side of wings and 2 beers.

Sal got two double bacon cheeseburgers and 2 family sized order of fries, a family size order of wings, an order of Jalepeno poppers, and a nacho supreme tower complete with sour cream, beans, guacamole, cheese, chicken, salsa, hot sauce, oh and lots of beans. And an entire pitcher of beer for himself.

Sal finished his entire meal in under 20 minutes and I could barely finish ¾ of mine. He scarfed down his food with little to no table manners, even letting rip a small burp or fart every now and then. He was covered in grease and ketchup around his mouth. Everytime he took a sup of beer he let out a long closed mouth burp that was loud enough for the whole table to hear. Sal’s frame was so wide and his shoulders so broad and arms so thick that he took up half the time alone while shoveling all the food into his mouth. He finished his meal before anyone else did.

“Sal who you trying to impress here with the beans. You want to clear out this whole place?” Alicia said to him jokingly. 

“No I’m better at controlling myself.”

For the rest of the meal, I heard Sal constantly making closed mouth burps, and silent farts, well maybe audible if the bar wasn’t so loud, but they were vibrating the seats, his stomach was also grumbling.

Mike had suddenly walked back into the bar up behind Sal and lightly smacked him on the back. Sal immediately ripped a loud roaring belch uncontrollably that all his friends laughed at. Sal then walked out the bathroom without saying anything. I got up to follow him but Mike put his hand on me. “You don’t want to go in there. He’s gotta get all the gas out.” Sal was going in the bathroom just to fart and belch.

After some time Sal came out of the bathroom and came and sat back down. The owner of the bar, Vito, who knew Sal, came over to talk to us. He was an older Italian guy with a thick Brooklyn accent, grey hair a pot belly, and a broad frame. “You eat all my food you asshole” Vito said to Sal.

“No just a snack Vito” Sal replied.

“My snack ain’t your snack” Vito said to Sal lightly punching him in the stomach. But the light tap was enough to make Sal release a loud brappy audible fart. 

“HEY” Vito suddenly got serious “What did I tell you about farting in here. I’m not fucking around Sal”

“Honestly Vito it was an accident. I had the nachos and . . . “

“WHAT?! I told you not to have the nachos you gassy fuck. Get the hell out of here. Come back tomorrow with some beano.” Vito was not saying this lightheartedly. He meant what he said, and Sal actually left. 

When we stopped outside I was going to say “I can’t believe he kicked you out” but before I could speak Sal slightly bent forward and stuck his big round ass out and smiled at me. He began to moan and then I heard a loud long popping fart that went on for 10 seconds along with his moan. When the fart ended, I went to say “nice” before yet another 10 second loud brappy popping fart which he again moaned with the entire time for and smiled at me.

He looked at me after the fart ended and said “hat trick” putting both his hands in the air and ripping a fart twice as loud as the last too. This time without moaning. He cracked up after.

I was in awe and amazed he just did that. “Jesus Christ S-“ But I was interrupted as he put a finger in my face. BRRRRRPPPPTTTTTT Sal ripped a fourth fart and began moaning. Except this moan turned into a belch. He was ripping one really long belch and one really long fart at the same time. People on the street were staring. This fart burp combo went past the 10 second mark all the way to 15 seconds. Holy shit.

Sal just stared right back at me. “Trust me, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”