CancerChaser - Chapter 4
Chapter 4 ~ The Mistake That is Forgiveness
Trigger Warnings: Harassment, Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Narcissism,
Going into 2017, I never even cared about CancerChaser, I just wanted to focus on trying to get a job and losing weight. I was passing by the street close to where he lived without realizing it. CC came up to me and started talking to me. I was nervous as I was not prepared to be meeting him. He was asking me about my girlfriend and also about Trump being president. After a few minutes, I told him how nervous I am and he responded with this in a negative tone:
“Who am I? Count Dracula?”
After that we went our separate ways. That night he texted me about how much he loved my butt. He is under the impression that I already have a partner and he asks me questions like this? This is just crazy. Even worse taking into consideration that it is inappropriate for him to send him pictures people who look like him, but not telling people who are in a relationship with someone else about their butt. I did not realize this then (because I did not have access to the old phone until recently), but this is just an insane logic going on with him. It’s like he is forcing me into a relationship but having double standards. But keep in mind, I have forgotten about the pertinent message at that point.
Super Bowl 51 was happening and I was going to a grocery store. On my way, a drunk man came out of the nearby bar and started yelling at me and threatening to beat me up. I fled in fear. Next day I went to Starbucks and had a tire iron concealed in my coat, in the case I get in a confrontation with any violent drunken people. I know that did not make sense, but I was very nervous at that point.
On my way back home, CC passed by. He asked if I actually had a girlfriend because he never saw me with her. I just gave up and confessed because it did not make a difference at that point. He clearly does not care about my relationship at all because he is that creepy. Imagine he did to actual people who are taken or married? He also asked about my concealed weapon that he noticed (nobody else did) and I told him the situation with the Super Bowl.
Some time later the beggar was near the Walmart I was heading in. The same beggar that CC is also familiar with, who wants money (and not food as I found out) and is using it for drugs according to CC’s secondhand knowledge. As often I only have money to buy what I want, which was shipping supplies and tape, stuff I need to send out things I sold online. The beggar approached me for money and I told I had nothing. He responded by insulting with weight with profanity. We got into a shouting match and I called him out for what he actually uses his money for. After a minute, I went to Walmart and I don’t know where he went or care.
Beginning of March I took up a paid job offer where I distributed flyer cards for a convention. On Sunday, I delivered all the flyer cards I had. When I had around 20 left (out of several hundreds) I passed by a house of an artist friend. The Artist friend is someone I knew since I was a teenager (almost 2 decades). Going to refer to her as AF. CC passed by and started asking me if I could be friends with him on social media again. I told him about how nervous I was about it. He responded with the usual stupid Count Dracula thing from before. He then told me how much he misses me and needed me to send him emails. He also told me how much he wants to be my friend so much. I asked if he would be willing to play video games with me and he accepted that.
So I made one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made ever. I feel horrible for making mistakes like this, but he was being very manipulative. I also still had some positive feelings for him left. And as stated in Chapter 2, I am conditioned to forgive everyone regardless whatever they did to me. I did something immensely regrettable: I forgave him once again. I let him back in. I did something I wish I could take back. He is that manipulative. By now, I have no positives feelings anymore, but it took much later for that to happen.
I also told him about my recent happening with the junkie beggar from before. Don’t remember how he reacted to that, I think mostly because of what happened next.
{5} Not long after that, AF came back in and I talked to her and introduced her to CC and vice versa. I was more at ease to AF than CC and he noticed. After she left, CC asked if my nervous way to speaking to him was exclusive to him. I replied that it was not the case and that I knew AF for a very long time. I also told him that I am also nervous around people who I knew longer than I knew CC himself. It takes a while for bonds to develop and for anxiety to ease away. An older man should know how long friendships work. Immature of him to act jealous like that. This is the equivalent of acting jealous of someone for treating family with better kindness over them. It is understandable if someone who you knew growing up to get more love than if you only knew them for a few months (or in the case a little over a year). The reason I did not cut it off there is simply because I did not mind it then. I felt more of a misunderstanding then. It’s only after I cut CC off for and reflected on these actions is when I finally felt how screwed up this is and how abnormal this is actually.
He seems to be so obsessed and envious that he is acting like a jealous partner without the relationship. Exclusive to him!? No it was not. He saw someone with a stronger bond than him and my easiness with AF was exclusive to her. BTW, AF is married to another and she was adult when we first met, too. CC saw a bond that was long established and he did not know that. His less warmer feelings were more natural. It takes time to build long lasting friendships like this. As I stated before, there are many other people who I am still nervous around who I knew longer than CC. And every other time I hear the word “exclusive” it sometimes triggers this memory of CC being jealous. Now my day can get ruined simply because of his stupid nonsense he puts me through.