CancerChaser - Chapter 5

Chapter 5 ~   A Toxic Relationship That Benefits the Perpetrator Only

Trigger Warnings: Harassment, Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Narcissism, Suicide Mention, Suicidal Ideation

I made a huge mistake in letting CancerChaser become my friend again. I really wish I can take this back very bad now. But I must move on.

At a certain point after I made the disastrous decision to rekindle my friendship, CC started sending me pics to forward to his email. I cannot remember when did it start but I know it was sometime before May 2017. Reviewing certain evidence reveals that the earliest incarnation of the emails was March 23, 2017. I cannot describe what the images actually are. I have to leave the reader to the imagination to figure out the contents. I need to be secretive about it for legal reasons.

{β} I will be posting the emails that I still have. The reason I don’t have all the emails is for several reasons. I have made 2 more horrifying mistakes on my part.

These mistakes were done because there was a time I really want to ignore him and thought it was a good idea to simply ignore him for a while. I did NOT anticipate what he would do with information like my phone number or stalking, harassing, abusive behavior that would actually warrant the police. At the time I still thought he would not cross the line. When he became much worse later down to line, I was told to document everything when watching YouTube videos about dealing with harassment. So Spam marking became a huge mistake that I regretted. I really wish I had ALL the evidence now, but some of the evidence is gone just like that. I am providing what I have left. But I still have trace evidence of timestamps from a forwarded email dating back from March 23rd – April 28th 2017, all before May 2017.

The email exchanges where I sent him every picture he wanted to forward to his account. I redacted the addresses AND the pics themselves, only leaving the fact that pictures were sent.

It’s interesting that he needs help from someone like me to forward images. I guess his phone is really that outdated. I never knew exactly what phone he uses. I just notice it did not have a touchscreen. But please note that he needed me to send these photos to his email. There was a time where he even asked me to send that stuff to him and actually called me to make sure I had it sent. It was very important to him because of how out of his way he went to ensure that he received them.  I did it all and got nothing in return. Very interesting what he will later say a future email.

One weekend, I had something best described as “tension” between me and certain people in my family. I need to protect my family in this blog because I love them and I need them. We occasionally have disagreements. I am only brining my occasional quarries with them because some of them tie into CancerChaser. I told CC what was happening to me and my worries of what would happen to me. He told me everything would be okay. Luckily, he was right. But there were times I was punished severely by them. Especially as a kid. To further elaborate, some examples are that I permanently lost things by confiscation and had things destroyed in front of me. They have even shifted me out of their home once.

CC invited me into his home the next day. I was very emotional that morning. I had strong feelings of anxiety because of the drama with my family. As I was telling CC about my fear and pain, I lost and started screaming about my worries. I had a huge fit of panic and went onto his living room floor. I even talked about taking my own life because of my sad and depressed state. CC comforted me. He calmed me down and made feel better. This alongside the positive treatment when we first met were the only notable and memorable good things CC has ever done for me. The reason I cannot remember much outside these moments is because of all the bad things CC has done and will be doing; either here or in future chapters.

One day, CC sent me a picture for him to send to his email. It took a few days to send because of more family troubles. My emotions in that instance went so deeply negative that I felt that wanted to “pass away” again. I had to be in a hospital and it took a few days for me to come home to use my phone again to send the message for CC.

At the end of April I went to another convention. With a few hours until the convention ended, I had a major accident. I was on my way from a panel to a gathering for a game tournament. I tripped on some rocks and badly injured my right ankle (the other one, not the one I hurt in Chapter 3). I suffered bad sprains on both sides of the right ankle. The pain was intense and it came after 1 minute of numbness. I could not bear weight, either. The ambulance came for me and this time there no incident. The convention was in a different city than where I live, so I safe from the abuse paramedic. There was also police present so I felt safe. When I hurt my ankle, I was convinced that it was broken because I never felt ankle pain this bad. When I arrived at the hospital, I was X-rayed and then they wrapped my ankle in some cast-like wrap. I was told that it was sprained because no fractures were found in my bones. After that, I was given crutches and I was driven home by family.

I need to point out that despite my odd battles with them, my family comes through for me when I am hurt. They also always provide me with needs and took care of me very well whenever I am injured and the times I injured my ankles were no exception. I love my family very much. The times I had surgery my family was there for me.

I went to specialist 2 days after my injury. I was able to get an appointment for that day. They cut my cast wrap and it revealed some gruesome looking dark bruises on my sprained ankle. I was given an air cast and elastic bandage. After being checked out, CC passed by right in front of the doctor’s office building. We had a conversation, but I have no recollection aside from my injury. I do not remember if he was concerned or not.

CC wanted me to come to his home, but I could not physically. CC’s apartment was on the second floor. And there was around 20 tough stairs going up. When I was better condition, one of my knees got sharp pain putting pressure heading up those stairs. Going up and down the stairs with crutches and a bad ankle would be too much for me.

So I decided to be nice to him again (other stupid mistake in hindsight). Since I was too injured to go up his stairs, I invited him to my home around a week later. I had stairs to my room in my house, but they were easier on me and by the time CC came over to my home, my ankle has recovered a little bit. I could hardly walk, but I could put some weight on it for some seconds and was on pain medication often.

CC came inside. He made his coffee and we sat on the couch. After a bit of talking, we went to my room. I went a little after him and I went there slowly and carefully because of my hurt leg. We spent most of the time there. At one point, he wanted to be left alone.

{%}I gave him a lanyard and he seemed to take only to leave it behind. He never reclaimed it. Leaving this for future reference.

{6} I then asked if you he wanted to play games with me. He was reluctant stating that he wasn’t in the mood and said next time or next week. I had to convince him bringing up how I made him happy and how I did favors for him; telling him to please return the favor. So we did started playing. The game was Kirby’s Super Star. The game from the compilation I chose was Spring Breeze. It is important note how long this game is. A Longplay of this is 10 minutes. Speedruns of this game range around 3 minutes. I chose this game because it was short and easy, so even the least experienced game player could have a good time and it would be very quick. He asked how to play and I told him that the introduction on screen literally showed you how to play and I did not skip it for him. After the introduction, we started playing. CC did not do much in the first level, I went through the entire first level with him struggling behind. After the first level was done, I looked at him and he seemed to have held the directional stick around diagonal Up+Left and pressing no buttons. He also did next to nothing on the second level. He stopped playing with me after the second boss was beaten (halfway through the game). He told me that he was leaving. I told him that we were halfway through and he just me left to finish the game myself. We had an argument about this and he left my home, apparently leaving his hat behind. Seriously, if he wasn’t not interested at all, he should have told me instead of feigning interest, putting no effort, and literally leaving halfway through. If I was given a task as a favor I would have put in more of an effort. I would have been grateful if he at least stuck around even if he never did much. I would have been grateful for him actually playing with me if he did not leave. It would have been that simple. Even when he does something for me that I truly wanted, he failed at it. The one thing I was desperate for.

After this I just lost hope in my friendship with CC. I felt he was using me and didn’t actually care about my happiness. He just found me attractive and wanted me for my body. But he did not really care about me as a person.

2 days afterwards he came over to pick up his hat that he left behind. He let me know a day before. It’s a fisherman’s hat and it looked like this. He came over again. We went upstairs. I tried to get him to play video games again, he still gave the same “tomorrow” push back decline as always, so I just gave up. Sometime later, he with downstairs. I stayed up because my bad ankle was hurting and I needed to rest it a little until the Ibuprofen kicked in. I checked my feed and found an application for another convention for me to apply to. I filled in my application as best as I can and it took around 30 minutes. I need to put this in because it ties in later. So afterwards, I went downstairs carefully, so I don’t reinjure my bad leg. I sat down on the couch and talked to CC for a bit. Somehow we got into another argument. Cannot remember, but I mentioned the cell phone fiasco to him and he responded by saying how long time ago that was. As if he did tons of good things to make me forget about it, which he didn’t. Maybe if he did not half-heartily play and left during Kirby’s Super Star, I could have possibly let this go. I sent him literally 10 emails of photos to his email and he cannot even get through a 10 minute game for me. The fact that I let him in my home is how generous I am and he exploits it for me and takes me for granted. And he is an older man, mind you. After a while he leaves again, this leaving nothing behind.

I would like to mention that CC did not steal anything from my home at all or messed anything up in there. I am happy for that because I had house guests before who did that. Stolen bikes, stolen games, broken chairs, messed up areas, ect. One of the fewest things I can give CC credit for.

Few days later, for unrelated reasons, I had another turbulent trifle with family again. It escalated to the point that I was in danger of being ejected from my family home again. I panicked drastically. It got really bad. I started messaging friends about this, including CC. Some of them did not say anything when it went on and later asked if I was okay or if the situation was cooled. Others responded with waiting if the situation cools down. CC seemed to be callous and telling me again that things will be fine. Even though last time I was driven to the hospital. I told CC my worries that I might be homeless and how I felt like wanting to die again. He told me that I was immature and needed to “shut the f*** up” about it. After a few hours I decided that I was done with CC as a friend. I wrote down a script to tell him what I wish to talk to him about. I planned to dial to go straight to voicemail because something CC often does is talk over me and I cannot my message across because he never really wants to listen to me. I tried calling but I dialed only his number by accident and he picked up and starting talking. I did properly this time and left him the voicemail. I still have the script of what I told him. But he called me back after the first line of the second page (if I can remember when I think that’s where it was, CC might have the voicemail itself but I don’t).

Here is the script of the voice message. He got the first page and at least the first sentence of the second one. I censored out 2 sentences because it explicitly mentions a method of suicide and I think it is so horrifying in its detail that I must leave it out. I also used profanity in the message itself. I’ve decided to leave out profanity in these posts for the sake of professionalism. But the link picture do have profanity that I stated, as I was very livid at the time I wrote that.

When he called me, I told him how done I am with him and I never wanted to be friends with him again. Although, we did get into a shouting match over the phone. I don’t remember what was said by him. I hung up and blocked his phone. I went into a blocking spree on social media and email. I thought if I marked it as spam, he would say what ever he wanted and I could ignore it. This would later cost me a ton. I also deleted emails, which also was a bad idea, too. But keep in mind, I had no idea what he would do weeks later.

After that, I turned off my phone because quite frankly I did not want to break it again.

Looking back a few days after (I certainly don’t feel that way now for CC, he deserves all my rage), I felt horrible being mean to CC. I really don’t like being mean to people. I wish to be the nicest I can possible. But CC exploited me. He asked me tons of favors and I consented to let him hug me. But he could not be bothered to play games with me AND when he does he quits halfway through. And all his overblown temper tantrums directed at me for very minor slights perceived at his end, such as the phone situation and the laughing situation. And keep in mind, the friendship started when he went out of his way to approach me and reached out to me. Not the other way around. He came to me. So I had to be the bad guy for my own sake, I needed to get rid of people like him. It was for my own good.

Hours after my phone call, my family started making arrangements to get out of the home. They were researching programs to have me live somewhere. Maybe a group home or something. The next day they seemed to be calm and changed their mind. We came into an understanding and I apologized for what I did. Things did go back to normal, but the day before I had no idea. Also, my family never research group homes before. This was the first.

One thing that happened a few days after my injury is that I got accepted to work a gig job. I got some weird emails and even asked my friends, including CC what certain words meant (“Last Call” if you are wondering). When I applied I was in good condition. So when I got accepted, I was injured. I was hoping I could heal enough to be able to work.

I had an MRI done to see how my ligaments were in my injured ankle. I had to use the library to print paperwork out afterwards. I checked my email and CC had sent me an email and it somehow went through my Main Folder for some reason. This is the email I got. The message at the bottom is what he said and the message at the top is my response. Again, we both use profanity.

So I sent a reply to him with this:

He sent me something else as a reply and I deleted it. I also moved the email into the Spam Folder. It was later Forwarded for preservation.

I did a lot of the paperwork for my next job. I needed to get a new ID. I went to the DMV and after I got everything straightened out, I sat in the park for a little while and the beggar junkie from before came up to me. Apparently he forgot about our last argument and asked me for money again. I turned him down and hobbled away.

I later found that my ankle ligaments were good from the results of the MRI, which was days away from my first working day.  A day before that day started I was able to walk again.