CancerChaser - Chapter 6
Chapter 6 ~ Using Another Phone for Manipulation
Trigger Warnings: Harassment, Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Narcissism, Suicide Mention, Suicidal Ideation
My first day of work at convention was good. We went into a room and managed it. Not many people were there. So we just stayed around and talked. 2 hours in I went to the break room. On my way back I started having minor pain in my injured ankle. I could still walk but had to walk slowly and carefully so I don’t reinjure myself. When I got back I told my supervisor that “my right foot was sore”. Not much happened after that really. I did not want to tell him that I was recovering from an injury. On the last 2 hours I was moved into another room, where some people where recording a podcast. I cannot remember the name of their show and I don’t think I can find out about their show unless I spend a day’s worth of researching and backtracking to find their name again. That is not even important right now.
I am mentioning all of this simply to show what was going through my head. Just to show how mentally prepared I was for what is coming next. I was very preoccupied with my work and my health so I had no idea to really process what would happen next.
{7} On 7:26 pm, I get a phone call from an number I don’t recognize. It was CancerChaser. This completely caught me off guard. The man weeks ago telling me that I “don’t deserve” his time is calling my number with a different one. I really never saw this coming. I lashed out at him and told him not to talk to me again and he still does it. He is that unpredictable!
He tells me to unblock his number and that he needed for me to send him some more stuff. He also tells me that he did not want our friendship to end this way and something else along the lines of how he loved me. I replied that I felt exploited by him. He asked why and I reiterated how he does not reciprocate the favors do for him. He talks about how he was there for me when I felt very sad (despite not being the only one). The entire phone call was him asking for favors and manipulating my feelings and loneliness that I felt.
After it was over I contemplated what to do. I thought about why he called with another number. Was it him being a creepy harasser and evading my block or him going out of his way to be nice to me despite our altercations as he hinted at? I seriously had no idea how to handle this situation and I was unprepared for something like this. I DID suspect he was manipulating me. I DID suspect that he was just saying anything just to get in my good graces.
However, before CC I am used to having mutual non speaking terms. If someone does not like me, I don’t speak to them and they don’t speak to me. And given that CC’s last communication with me was turbulent, I thought that he would never speak to me again. Especially with the “don’t deserve my time” quote. So, of course I would not expect him to evade my number block and call me with a different phone in these circumstances.
After 16 minutes of contemplating, I made one of the worst decisions I could possibly make it in this situation. I decided to give him one last chance. I really regret this decision deeply. I decided on trusting him despite everything he put me through. The best way I can describe why I made this horrendous decision is that I still had a small glimmer of friendly feelings. And I think he was able to tap into that. To add to that, he talked about a big game of valuing our friendship together and not wanting it to end that way. Doing this despite our falling out made me feel as if he was that tolerant of my negative feelings. It really seemed like CC was a real friend and I felt convinced of it. After all, I was lonely. I could not find people to play games with. And he knew that. So if it’s very apparent right now that he used me this way. He manipulated my feelings that way with his portrayal of a loyal ally and someone who would stick with me despite out fights. Fortunately it will not work anymore, given what he does later has destroyed all remaining positive and neutral feelings for him. He can no longer try to manipulate me anymore.
So I made one of the worst decisions I could possibly make in this situation. I called him back on 7:44 PM. I did not tell him it was his last chance because he has feelings with the durability of paper. I did tell him I was an emotional wreck and I that I was going unblock his number, also told him that I was unsure about it. So I went and shot myself in the foot by unblocking his number and letting him back because of his manipulation. On 10:38 PM (almost 3 hours later) he called me with same alternative number, while I was on the bus home, to confirm if I unblocked his main number and did his errand of sending him a picture he attached. I told him that I did unblock him and that I will send his picture when I get home. I sent the pic right before midnight. I was very wiped out by then so I barely got around it.
The next day I sent him another email with a picture he wanted me to send.
As of today I will never unblock people anymore after I blocked unless there is an exceptional reason for it. And if it’s because the other person is “sorry” then that will never be valid. And CC’s intrusive actions are why I am being more adamant. He literally made me have to bear more security like that.
The rest of the con went smoothly. I made a few connections there. I also played video games with others after my shifts were done. It was very fun experience (Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and Super Mario Maker if you are wondering). On Sunday (Memorial Day), I did not go to the con because my shifts on Sunday got cancelled and my family had a barbeque so I stayed home. Sometime during the afternoon, CC passed my home suddenly. I noticed him and went up to him. I asked if he could join me in the barbeque and he refused. He asked if we are still friends and I replied yes. The rest of the day was good.
I went back to the con for the final day (Monday). I did aggravate my injured ankle. I went around the dealer’s room and did a challenge for a prize. I decided to do the jumping challenge to jump as high as I can. I forgot how I was still in recover y and went through with it. I landed fine with both feet touching the floor but the weight and impact of the landing hurt my injured ankle. I started grabbing it and the people at the booth asked if I was okay. I replied yes and went on my way. After some rounds of playing Mario Maker and Smash, my ankle started hurting again. I got worried. I thought about going to the hospital again, but decided against it. After I left the con, I bought Aleeve for the pain.
On my way home I got some stupid text message from CC about what I did was projecting my anger onto him. As if he did not do that himself to me {2}. The irony is just amazing here. And it does not end here.
{&}A friend of mine suggested if I wanted CC to play with me, to pick a simple game with very little interaction needed. I will note this friend as H. Like WarioWare Twisted! Touched! for example. I had that on my 3DS. H suggested that I go with that. So the next I saw CC in his home, I suggested we played that. He refused me just like before, saying that he did not want to do it right now, maybe another day. He knew I desperately wanted someone to play games with yet he hardly ever carries through with what I want. He had stated many times (like when we first met to even the time he called with another phone) that he would but when it came time for it, he would always did and only once was I successful. At that point, I just gave up on him ever playing games with me ever gain. I still kept CC as a friend, thinking it would eventually get better. It never did.
{$} CC’s birthday came to pass again. I asked what is his favorite cake. He told me it was Funfetti. I made 2 loaves of it. One for me to eat and the other for him. I went to his home to give it to him. He accepted. Never knew what he did with it. I am assuming he ate it. Making a note of it right now for future reference.
After that, not much happened between us. I did not do much with him moving forward. In fact, my mind was much more occupied with Pokemon Go, as legendary Pokemon started to appear in Gym Raids. And before than I participated in a Charity Livestream, too. I won a prize during that livestream. I even started having some panels in future conventions, too. Panels I came up with based on a few I have been in. Interaction between me and CC was just me sending CC more pics throughout this time. Any time I did see him, I was distant to him and just let him walk away. A few times he did see me and greeted me, I greeted back. My ankle did heal several weeks after the con I was working. I say healed as in I can still walk, the pain is absent for most circumstances, and there is no swelling. Both ankles start hurting when I stand for very long periods of time (5 hours) or when seasonal climate changes to or from cold.
Note: I did sent CC a pic of how I used to look like, maybe related to weight loss or something. I was around 500 pounds in the pic I used to look like.
Mid-August I ran my first of 2 panels. The panel is about Super Mario Maker and I would use an audience to create a level. I was inspired by several other panels I have attended. This is to set up context.
Fast forward to September. I had another crisis within the family involving me. Luckily it was not as bad as last time, but it did involve an argument between me and some family members. I felt very depressed after the arguments ended. I felt like wanting to end my life again. I sent several of my friends some pictures of how I was feeling. One was a bottle pill and another arm with a certain eating utensil next to it. CC was one of the recipients of the picture. Another was H. H went to my home to see me because of it. He checked up on me to see if I was alright. I told him about what happened and he told me that I needed more time to spend with friends. So he bonded with me that day. We played video games together co-op, the very thing I wanted from CC; H did willingly and fully. CC did half of a 10 minute game. H did full hours of gaming. We played Kirby’s Super Star, Brawl Brothers, and finished it with Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. Afterwards, we went to eat.
I told him I sent the same pics to others and he told me that it was a huge mistake on my part and that anyone can call the hospital to transfer me to a mental facility. He told me about an incident where a cousin of felt depressed and told one person that she felt suicidal. Said person who heard called 911 and the one who felt suicidal stayed in a mental hospital for 2 weeks. H then suggested that I tell everyone else who got the pictures that I am doing it for attention to save face, so if they all the hospital on me, I can save myself from being committed. Given that the next week, I had to do a panel for another convention, I did that. I told them I did for attention to everyone who received the picture (including CC). CC was the only person who responded and it was something along the lines of “yeah that is what I thought”.
In hindsight, this was really stupid for me to do this. Just because I felt horrible does not mean I should have acted in this manner. Why did I include this situation here? Because I need to be as transparent as I can here. If I left it out, it might be used against me, so I needed to have it included in. Reading through the emails and the evidence I have, I would have no excuse to exclude this.
I reached out about the situation to the others parties involve to provide context. Only 2 other people (besides H and CC) even remember and I sent to 7 people. One person got both the pictures and coverup together. He thought it was incredibly stupid for me to be doing this at the time. After telling him the entire context and background, he replied with everything about what did with the pics was unnecessary and poorly thought out; to never even think about pulling something like that again. The other person saw at the time and was interested in the outcome. When he received the message, he sighed and did not really care, nothing changed after I told him the background and context.
After that, I was preparing for the panel. I was going back and forth with a panel organizer. His first name is the same as CC’s first name so some confusion happened. CC asked me to send his pictures to his email and I apparently thought I sent it to the panel organizer instead of CC because they shared the same name. Then, I sent them to CC and apologized to both of them. I had an extensive back and forth with the panel organizer and the same time I got messages from CC (about what would be needed and alternative programming), so I thought I missed up.
I recently contacted said panel organizer and he claimed he never received pics from me. After checking the email confirms I never actually sent any pictures to such organizer who had the same name as I guess for some reason I thought I sent it to him because of name matching. And now as I am writing this mistake did not exist and I sent CC’s pictures to him and nobody else.
The con was a success. It was a 2 day con. First day was the panel and it went well. Some of my family was in attendance and so was H. The second day, I played retro video games, some with H and another friend.