Just so everyone knows, "d*ke" was used "exclusively against lesbians" during a time when "lesbian" only meant wlw; there was no distinction at the time between women who were attracted to men and women who weren't. "D*ke" was a slur used against ALL wlw, and lesbians telling bi women that it isn't ours to reclaim is literally erasing us from our own history.
while, yes, the slur was directed at lesbians during a time when all wlw were referred to as lesbians, it is not ours to reclaim. the d slur is a lesbian-only word. bi people shout all day about how words change meaning over time, but refuse to acknowledge that this is what happened with the d slur.
i asked one of my lesbian friends to help me get some clarification on this, because tbh i often feel torn between the bi community i’m a part of and the lesbian community i’m trying to support. her response was much more articulate than mine would have been, so i’m going to use her words, as much as possible.
“d*ke” is synonymous with “lesbian.” from her (bc she explains it better than i could. and also these questions should be directed to lesbians): “also when lesbians are called that slur, or people perceived as lesbians are called it, they’re not being attacked for their attraction to women only, they’re also being attacked for their lack of attraction to men. that lack of attraction to men as women in the heteropatriarchy is seen as really wrong and abnormal and homophobes use that slur to let us know that basically :/
even though bpq women in f/f relationships or gnc bpq women get called that slur too, it’s not theirs to reclaim because to reclaim it would be for them to say “yes im a d*ke” when “d*ke” means “lesbian”, so that would be erasing their own identity. i had someone ask me if a bi woman who wasn’t attracted to men could reclaim it but it’s still that dyke and lesbian are synonyms.”
even though it’s not ours to reclaim, it still hurts us and we can have discussions about that. but we cannot reclaim a slur that is directed specifically at women who exclusively love other women.
tl;dr: we deserve a space in the discussion of this slur and how it hurts wlw, but we cannot reclaim it because that slur is synonymous with lesbian.
(i’m not tagging or giving credit to the lovely lady who helped me with this because i don’t believe she wants to get dragged into this heated debate anymore than i do.)
please don’t yell at me, i’m doing my best.