LISTICLE: Top 10 Shirtless Coaches Of All Time, Ranked
Yesterday, a photo of Steve Spurrier coaching shirtless made the internet rounds, mostly with incorrect information that it was a new/recent thing. In fact, the picture was from last year. The confusion, however was understandable as Spurrier is but one of a grand tradition of (mostly, but not exclusively, as we shall see) southern coaches who ain't skeered to let it all hang out. In honor of spring being right around the corner, we've put together a list of the top 10 greatest shirtless coaches.
10. Bruce Pearl, Tennessee
We get it, dude, you like to take your shirt off. Nobody likes you, go away. This could have been the "Top 10 Bruce Pearl Shirtless Moments," but we don't want the blog to end up sanctioned by the NCAA, now do we?
9. Gib Arnold. Hawaii
(Source: Hawaii Video/Vimeo)
Hawaii basketball has a lot of recruiting disadvantages due to the location, but one big-ass recruiting advantage - it's Hawaii. We had no idea who the hell Gib Arnold was before seeing this Hawaii basketball recruiting video, and we still have no idea if he knows anything about basketball. But he can teach his players to surf. So there's that.
8. Terry Francona, Boston Red Sox
(Source: Masshole Sports - obviously)
Who knows why he thought this was a good idea, but I'm willing to bet at least 70% of Red Sox fans have an identical picture of themselves at a party somewhere.
7. Bret Bielema, Arkansas
(Source: Deadspin)
After this photo hit the internet a couple years back, Wisconsin fans should have known Bielema's departure for the SEC was going to happen someday. It just feels right there.
6. Barry Switzer, Oklahoma/Dallas
(Source: The Landry Hat)
Barry Switzer would assuredly rank higher on this scientifically-ranked list if there were better evidence of his shirtless hijinks, because if there's one coach you KNOW has engaged in shirtless hijinks/drug-running/moonshining/etc., it's Barry Switzer. But just sitting in a chair, drinking a beer, laughing? Barry, we know you can do better.
5. Pete Carroll, USC
(Source: BeatSC.com)
Nobody likes a show-off, coach. We know you're dreamy, you don't have to rub it in. Try dressing like that in Seattle.
4. Bill Self, Kansas
(Source: Eh, all over the internet)
Bill Self is smart. He knows it is of the utmost importance to protect his investment up top - he paid a lot of money for that hair and damned if he's going to let the Maui surf run off with it. He gets points on this list for not just lounging in a swimsuit but actually going into the water. Way to get after it, coach.
3. Harry Kipke, Michigan
(Source: MVictors)
How's your Harry Kipke? You probably didn't even know that Harry Kipke was the head coach at Meechigan in the '30s, much less that he had a boat called the Flo. Now you know. Motherfucker was a boat captain. WITH A BOAT CAPTAIN HAT. That's the Michigan Difference right there.
2. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
Steve Spurrier is the dean of being shirtless. The Ol' Ball Coach gives no fucks what you think about his middle-aged-slash-elderly body hanging out in the South Carolina breeze, because he's Steve Fucking Spurrier. We should all be so lucky as to be Steve Spurrier's tanned belly. Despite what you've seen on all the less-reputable sports sites out there in the last day, this is not a picture from this year's spring practice. This is from last year, according to Spencer Hall, who would know.
1. Howard Schnellenberger, America
(Source: AP/Yahoo)
Steve Spurrier Shirtless News notwithstanding, if there's one thing I've learned from Spencer Hall of EDSBS over the years, it's that Howard Schnellenberger tops the rankings (well, suspenders top the rankings. Howard Schnellenberger MAKES the rankings. I may not have learned the lesson all that well, now that I think about it. I don't care). All the rankings. You got a problem with that, take it up with Schnelly.